we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
