My friends, they love my intelligence
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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