why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
