I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
