Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize