OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
