My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
