So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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