im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
