Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
