I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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