He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Randomize
