Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
