So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
