I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
