Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
