so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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