he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
