My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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