Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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