glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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