I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Randomize
