im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
