Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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