College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
