you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
