her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
