once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
