the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize