EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
