he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
4 words: hood of his car
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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