Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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