I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
no you cant smoke seaweed
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
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I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
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i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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