fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just want nice things and good sex
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
