You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
My legs feel like baby dolphins
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
