dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
