I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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