Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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