I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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