remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
