Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
