you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
