I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
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Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
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Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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