You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
