I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
