My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
