I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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