i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
