I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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