so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
