i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
