i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I've blown a few things in my day
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
