I heard we made out
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
