Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
time to smoke my breakfast
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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