listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
My vagina just clenched in fear
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
