I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
