You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
