I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
