just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
