My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize